I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
