I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
