Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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