You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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