Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
