My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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