I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Boobs are out for the taking
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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