Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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