i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
please don't ironically join a cult
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