What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
