Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize