my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Barsexuality is the new black.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
