That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
