I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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