I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
