Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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