Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
