Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
