those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
