do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I cockslap morals
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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