her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
