I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
