hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
