mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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