We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
