i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
