someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
