I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
