Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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