i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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