I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
