she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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