38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
