i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Semen is not good for contacts.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
