I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
