I'm jealous of your bromance
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Barsexuality is the new black.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
