he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Randomize
