dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
