You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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