Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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