its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
