Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
