Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
