Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize