Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
