I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
