not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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