I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
