WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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