I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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