don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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