You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
