this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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