I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
