NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
