the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
