Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
