Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Randomize
