you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
