wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
