My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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