I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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