So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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