he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
