In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
