They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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