I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Only a mothe r could love this liver
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
