I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
