He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
