oh god the rape fog is back!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We have so much sex to catch up on
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
