why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
