wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
