I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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