I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
